today has been the worst day of my life. On the way home from a meeting the family shindig with frizz at my aunties house frizz ( my beautiful boy) got a phone call to say that his step dad had died this morning. It was awful so after driving down motor ways. five minutes to pick up a handful of CDs a Dan Fante book and a clean pair of pants. Picking up frizz brother in South Mimms. Driving for seven hours i am now at my parents house. Frizz is with his mum. i am at my parents house. its closer to ipswich than wycombe so i can get to him if he needs me.
it was the most horrendous car journey of my life. frizz' brother cried the whole way. frizz stopped crying only to be angry andi sat and nodded my head. wiped away tears try to stop myself from crying. reassuring hand holds and hugs. what am i supposed to do?
i am sat at the parents house listening to Biffy Clyro. realiseing everything is now different. Everything me and frizz have planned together probablly wont happen. i wont get to move, with him, we wont be happy and that is so selfish of me! how dare i feel like that. his step father is dead and i feel terrible. he was such a nice man. Looked after frizz' mum and acted like a dad to frizz. he laughed and joked and made me feel so comfortable as part of their family.
what am i supposed to say? what am i supposed to do. part of me wants to go back to wycombe and take a train journey into london and drink with people i dont know and end up on a new path. i think ill settle for a hot bath and an early night. i cant think what else to do and for once dan fante and biffy clyro cant take away the pain.