in the words of the great Beth Orton 'where do i start where do i begin?'
last night was good, it was great actually. i think i made a fool of myself a little but it was fantastic none the less.
There is a boy. His name is Tom. me and lisa have been watching him around for the last 2 years. he is the most beautiful human being i have ever seen. last night i saw him in the union. i had a few drinks then i walked right up to him and asked if i could buy him a drink. he said yes (i nearly died. he wasnt supposed to say yes!). So i buy him a drink he tells me his name is tom. i tell him i am jenni. then i say something that i cant remember but i am thinking it was stupid. he sat and talked to me a while. then i gave him my number and said, 'do you wanna go for a drink sometime or something' in very quite voice whilst looking at the floor and feeling as if my heart is going to jump right out of my chest. he said 'ok' then invited me to go back with him to a party. we got there and it wasnt a party. so we sat outside and smoked and then he walked me home. he said things like 'your cool and you dont even know it. thats nice'. 'im glad i talked to you'. we listened to jeffrey lewis, one line drawing, Far and Bright eyes. he laughed at my records, and smiled because he said that my music collection was the best he had ever seen. We slept in the same bed. i hardly moved. i wanted to kiss him but i didnt i hardly touched him. we woke up this morning and he went to work. so did i. i wonder if he will call me. i should have kissed him. i shoul have held him closer. i was scared.
i know his faveorite thing is Pillows and he could sleep anywhere if he only had a pillow. i know he doesnt like popcorn because it feels like plastic. i know his faveorite band are Far, i know he is nice and not confident like he looks i know i wanted to kiss him. i know i didnt.
i will spend the rest of the week staring at my phone waiting for him to call and when he doesnt ill write another list of things that are wrong with me.
im scared because he wasnt pete. but i cant deal with pete anymore. its time to get over it. like john said 'you made him almost human for a while there but you cant spend your life trying to make other people human.'