in the last two year ive developed a medical problem. if i eat anything containing milk, butter, eggs.. dairy products in general i get shooting pains all over my stomach. if i eat anything at the wrong time of day i get the same thing, if i eat anything mildly spicey i get it twice as bad and if i eattoo much the pains are so much they double me over. i keep it to myself, i dont complain. i try to ignore it and as such it has become part of my everyday life. i need the toilet at leat 5 times a day. when i say need i get about two minutes warning and have to run to the nearest wc. i no where all the public toilets are, i know how long it will take me to get there from any given point in town. its not something i have told my friends much about, nor are any of them aware of the embaressment it causes me. the doctors have told me its linked to stress and i have noticed that when i am a little upset, or when i am a little over tired or a little under the weather that thesepains become so very much worse. i wont have to eat anything at all and they will make me sick with pain. i feel it right now just in my lower stomach, just after i got my essay back and they told me it was crap, the essay i worked my ass off on and the essay that has now bought down my average. i got these pains when i woke up this morning and realised i wasnt happy without blue tshirts on my floor.
smoking weed can help these pains disapear, tho that makes it hard for me to function and my work gets lame. today i did so with lisa and now cant type. cant see beyond my computer screen and this seems to have been typed on auto-pilot.
in the beer garden @ the hobgoblin at approx 6.21 last nite:
Pete: when do your exams finish?
me: end of june i think
Pete: well you know we said we were going to go to Italy, shall i book it? or we can go somewhere else...
me: oh, id love to but i just cant afford it
Pete: ill pay its a present i wasnt going to tell you anyway i was just going to suprise you but thought i better let you know or you
me: pete ive never known any one to do such a lovelly thing, thankyou, so much!!
and i havent and it made me smile, that my fried would do that, thats when i decided i might just like my friend as a little more than a friend, tho im confused and he is too. its ok, me and him, we are going to show everyone that its ok to be friends like this and its ok for us to have these feelings. its been brewing for to long to ignore. id say a year or so is quite a while to realise how much you care. it confuses me.
advise?